I've been back at work for a whole week, and in many ways, it feels like we never left.
That said, my attitude feels difference; spirits feel lighter.
Whether that's the gift of the new year, or a subconscious, ongoing choice on my part I do not know. Maybe it's both.
What I do know is that I'm starting to feel like myself again.
My identity isn't caught up in the fact that I'm somehow a gym teacher, and not good at it. Instead, I find myself focusing more on my own internal microcosm, looking at things I like.
Finding ways to create, to move.
I've been consciously contemplating grad school, the curriculum we're studying and broader applications. I've completed two straight weeks of yoga, and am now almost halfway through a program I thought for sure I'd fail to complete. My embroidery, though slow, continues. And, excitingly, French resumes tomorrow. I've missed that from my life these past several months, and I'm cautiously optimistic about restarting.
My sustained internship continues, with meetings later this week, coinciding with my two year anniversary with the organization. My how it's flown. And how it will continue to fly, what with the prospect of summer hours.
All this to say, that 2023 is off to a strong start. I've been resolved to let the stupidity and negativity roll off my back and have been largely successful. I've succeeded in accepting that I may never be a stellar gym teacher (and if I'm honest, I'm perfectly fine with that reality). Despite that, I bring other things to the table, even if I don't yet know what those are and if others even recognize that fact.
Granted, it's still early in the year, and things could take a turn, but begin as you intend to continue, and all that...
There's a beauty in gifting yourself the space to know that the struggles are temporary, to gift yourself the knowledge that, though it may not feel like it in any given moment, few things are, in fact, an emergency.
Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the becoming.
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